Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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