And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
