i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
