Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
