Taylor Swift is so right about you.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
