I think my vagina is haunted
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
