Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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