how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
