the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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