Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He has the fingertips of a God
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
