We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
