i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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