I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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