I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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