I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
