I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
