a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
