Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize