if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You need a sexual gate keeper
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
