I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
