i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
it's great music for shaving your balls
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
