I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
