Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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