I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
