Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
