last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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