uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
