I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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