At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
