I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
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Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
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THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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