I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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