We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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