i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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