He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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