i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
