I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
