What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I looked at my own cervix.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
