Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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