dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
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NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
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Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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