so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
