my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
