I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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