Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
