There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
