Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
