he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
