trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
