Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize