Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
