dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
