there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
