and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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