I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
