yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
