i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
