So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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