you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
