Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I am available for nakedness
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
