I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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