I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
