1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
