Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
