Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i was born a porn star she said
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
