I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
