i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have tasted many bathrooms
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
