I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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