We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
