I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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