Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Operation Purity has been aborted
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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