So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
