hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
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I love how my cats smell like pot.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
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I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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